How to Deal with a Lazy Son: Three Real Stories from Parents and Young Adults

If you are a parent of a lazy son who doesn’t want to work, go to school, or do anything productive, you might be feeling frustrated, angry, or helpless. You might be wondering how to motivate him, discipline him, or help him grow up. You might be tempted to either kick him out or let him stay without any consequences. But what is the best way to deal with a lazy son?

Story 1: The Adult Child Contract

The first story is from a young adult who was in the same position as your son for a couple of years. He dropped out of high school, enrolled in online schooling but never logged in, quit his job, and did nothing but smoke cigarettes and play video games. He had no motivation, no faith, and no priorities. He was living off his parents’ money and doing minimal chores.
One day, his parents sent him a text saying that they needed to have a serious discussion that night. He was not ready for what was about to happen. His parents had prepared a packet of paper with a professionally typed contract that stated the rules and expectations for living at home as an adult child. The contract included things like:
– Paying rent and helping with bills if he was not working or studying full time
– Doing a list of chores every day
– Coming home by 9 pm or not being allowed in
He was furious and felt like he was in a prison. He argued with his parents, but they did not budge. He hated the contract and resented his parents, but he had no choice but to comply. He had nowhere else to go.
Two years later, he was grateful that his parents had put those rules in place. He moved out on his own, kept a job for over a year, and was about to start his bachelor’s degree in naturopathic medicine. He realized what he was capable of doing on his own and thanked his parents for doing what they did.
The adult child contract was a way for his parents to set boundaries, expectations, and consequences for their son. It was a way to teach him responsibility, accountability, and independence. It was a way to show him that they loved him and wanted him to succeed, but that they would not enable his laziness and bad habits.


Story 2: The Therapist and the Potential Plan

The second story is from another young adult who went through some of the “I don’t want to do anything” type of deal. He felt a lot of pressure to figure out what he was going to do for the rest of his life, but he was afraid to make any decision. He had no practice in life decision making growing up, so he felt overwhelmed and paralyzed. He did not want to go to college or get a job, but he had a desire for a music career.
He decided to see a therapist who helped him deal with his issues and supported him through his process. He realized that he might have an underlying issue of depression that was affecting his drive and motivation. His therapist helped him see the life he would have if he did not pursue any education, training, or work. He made him see the reality of living at home and depending on his parents when he was 30 or older. He instilled a realistic fear of that scenario, which pushed him to do something about his situation.
His therapist also helped him see that he did not have to make a final and permanent decision right away. He could have a potential plan that he could change or adjust later if he wanted to. He could explore different options and opportunities without committing to them for life. He could try different things and see what he liked and what he was good at.
His therapist also encouraged him to research online potential careers and talk to people who had different experiences and backgrounds. He helped him see that he did not have to go to college if he did not want to, but that he could consider other alternatives like trade schools or online courses. He helped him see that he could pursue his music career while also having a backup plan or a side hustle.
With the help of his therapist, he was able to land a job in the music industry at 20 with minimal college. He felt lucky and grateful for that opportunity, but he also knew that he had worked hard and prepared himself for it. He felt proud of himself and his achievements, and he thanked his therapist for his guidance and support.
The therapist was a way for him to get professional help and advice from someone who understood his situation and his feelings. It was a way to get emotional support, encouragement, and validation. It was a way to get perspective, insight, and direction. It was a way to get out of his comfort zone, face his fears, and take action.

Story 3: The Kick Out and the Hard Way

The third story is from a young adult who was kicked out by his mom when he was 17. He was heavily abusing drugs and his mom had warned him that if he started using again, he would have to leave. He did not listen and continued to use, so his mom followed through with her threat and told him to pack his stuff and get out.
He was outraged and felt betrayed by his mom. He did not care about the consequences of his actions and continued to use drugs for the next five years. He stayed with friends and rented couches in dirty apartments. He worked shitty jobs at fast-food restaurants and sold weed to support his heavier drug habits. He had no goals, no values, and no future. He ended up on the streets, living in tunnels, abandoned houses, and park benches. He did not care where he slept as long as he got his fix.
He hit rock bottom and realized that he needed to change his life. He decided to get sober and seek help. He went to rehab and attended meetings. He got a respectable job, made new friends, and bought a car. He rented a house with his girlfriend, who was pregnant with their daughter. He was happy and content with his life. He looked back and saw how far he had come. He did not regret anything, because it all led him to where he was now.
He also reconciled with his mom and thanked her for what she did. He understood that she did it out of love and concern for him. He realized that she did the best thing she could have done for him. She forced him to take care of himself and face the reality of his choices. She taught him the hard way, but it was the only way that worked for him.
The kick out was a way for his mom to protect herself, her family, and her son. It was a way to show him that his actions had serious and lasting consequences. It was a way to let him experience the harshness and the challenges of life without her support. It was a way to give him a wake-up call and a chance to turn his life around.

Tips and Advice on How to Deal with a Lazy Son

Based on these stories, here are some tips and advice on how to deal with a lazy son:
– Set clear and reasonable boundaries, expectations, and consequences for your son. Make sure he knows what you expect from him and what will happen if he does not meet those expectations. Be consistent and firm with your rules and follow through with your consequences. Do not enable his laziness or bad habits by giving him money, paying his bills, or doing his chores.
– Encourage your son to seek professional help if he has any mental health issues that might be affecting his motivation, drive, or mood. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, or substance abuse can all contribute to a lack of interest or direction in life. A therapist, counselor, or doctor can help your son cope with his issues and find solutions that work for him.
– Help your son explore his interests, passions, and strengths. Find out what he likes to do, what he is good at, and what he wants to achieve. Help him research different options and opportunities that match his preferences and abilities. Help him set realistic and attainable goals and support him in reaching them. Celebrate his successes and encourage him to learn from his failures.
– Consider alternative paths to education, training, or work that might suit your son better than the traditional ones. College is not the only way to get a good education or a good job. Trade schools, online courses, apprenticeships, internships, or volunteer work can all provide valuable skills and experience that can lead to a fulfilling career. Help your son find something that he enjoys and that he can excel at.
– Trust your son and trust the process. Remember that your son is an individual with his own personality, preferences, and pace. He might not follow the same path or timeline as you or others, but that does not mean he is doomed or hopeless. He might need some time and space to figure things out for himself and to make his own mistakes and decisions. Trust that he will eventually find his way and his purpose, and that you will always be there for him.


Dealing with a lazy son can be challenging, frustrating, and stressful. But it can also
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